Bloodstone

vampire

She is cursed to always crave

master to the slave

bloodstone to the master

cradle to the grave

 

He guards his wicked treasure

twilight to the dawn

with a selfishness so absolute

sharing with no one.

 

A drop or two won’t satiate

gratify

alleviate

 

It leaves her empty, unfulfilled

left to wonder moonlit fields

barren plains of a love gone wrong

a mere shadow of feelings, once so strong

desiring attention of a certain kind

left to search but never find.

 

A price to pay – a guide to take her there

to his warmth

his wild lair.

 

The path is tangled, craggy and steep;

the mountains are high and the rivers deep.

Frigid winds carry snow that blinds her eyes

still, she senses reward, fortune, her prize.

 

It is with a relief so pure, so humble, so sweet

when he is awakened from his sleep

and then he gives her what she craves:

Bloodstone to the master

cradle to the grave.

 

You fill my cup…

forever your slave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Darkness

the-darkness

The darkness in my hair

brings out the darkness in my eyes

brings out the darkness in your stare

behind your innocent disguise.

 

What used to be all light and sunny; never.

A funeral pyre that’s forever

We could think on all that’s lost

regardless of the cost

but the point would be moot and fruitless, ever after.

 

Let it burn, why don’t you?

Live and learn, I’ll hold you

while the spirit dwindles down

to the dust, back to the ground

and the things you thought forever seek to fool you,

a love you thought so fast to once control you.

 

What’s over now has taken its last bow:

memories in your sleep to enfold you

the darkness you were warned is upon you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Synchronicity, Death Angel, and The Moth

This past September, I was able to let go of some old resentments and feelings that I had blocked out, but they were weighing me down.  These old feelings literally had their hold on me for YEARS and were family related.  Walking outside one evening next to a beautiful forest this amazing feeling of peace just settled over me.  I won’t go in to the whole thing here, but a quick summary would be to say that I was always treated like the “black sheep” of the family.  When I started a family of my own, I had thought things would change but they never did.  I took this as a fresh insult when it wasn’t.  Since I had always been a little neglected and ignored by the family, this was nothing new at all.  I think being out in nature and walking helped me to clear my mind enough to realize this.  This happened in the month of September 2016.

death-angel

I love music; I like the heavy stuff; I needed something new.  Enter Death Angel – I discovered this band via Music Choice television within the last several months and thought they sounded great.  While they seemed new to me, I discovered that they actually had their start back in the 80’s and had appeared on Headbanger’s Ball on MTV, which could be why they also seemed familiar to me.  I was a big fan of Headbanger’s Ball back then so just maybe I’d seen them, although I’m not sure.  About a month ago, I checked the schedule for a local club in our area, Club L.A.  Anthrax would be playing there very soon and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t heard this advertised on the radio or something!  I was just very glad that I’d stumbled across it online, especially since I rarely check the schedule for this place.  A few days go by.  I hadn’t bought tickets for the show yet, even though I was planning on it, but had decided to pop back on the website with the show schedule.  All of a sudden I see that Death Angel is now listed with Anthrax!!  Now I am super excited about the show!  Of course I buy tickets really soon after.

Day of show –Thursday (Sept. 29, 2016).  I don’t know how to describe this day other than that it was a bad day at work.  I’m an empath and a people pleaser and thus get stepped on a lot, go through lots of emotional turmoil, and I had just about had enough.  I was even randomly and very upsettingly googling the best cities for single women to live in (I’m married).  One that kept coming up was San Francisco.

On to the concert.  That night I got ready very quickly to go.  I still wasn’t in a very happy or “pumped up” mood like I would normally have been.  Even so, I managed to find a cute outfit very quickly and just got ready.  We debated on what time to leave the house since I wasn’t able to find out when Death Angel was going on stage over the phone.  We ended up getting there about 8:30 pm (I think) and the place was packed.  But our timing couldn’t have been better.  We no sooner got through all the check in stuff (which was pretty extensive), found a place to stand, and got a couple of beers when Death Angel walked onto the stage!

The show was fantastic – Death Angel even better than I would have imagined!  Later, as we were watching Anthrax, I bought an autographed poster of theirs.  It was near the end of Anthrax’s performance and we were standing toward the back of the club.  You could still see the stage very well from here.  Suddenly, there is Death Angel singer (Mark Osegueda) standing very near to us talking to some other people.  When our eyes met, the only thing I could think of to say was, “I bought your poster!”  (what a dork I am!).  But he looked right at me and said, “Ah – thank you!” and proceeded to give me this very, very nice (even kind of long) hug!  I was elated!  I’m sure Mark has no idea what an impact that hug had on me.  He may give out hugs like that all the time, but it literally made my whole day, week, month, maybe even year!

Since then, I have done my homework about the band.  That night I hadn’t even known the singer’s name!  I come to find out they are all from San Francisco!

death_angel_-_the_evil_divide

Why am I writing all this down?  I don’t know, but it just seems like last month was full of revelations about my life and the way it’s been going, and these little synchronicities kind of clicking into place.  I’ve begun to realize how the people who I’ve let into my life have affected me.  I realize that I should and need to change some things.  And I guess it feels a little prophetic to me to have become a huge Death Angel fan during this time.  Just the way things all worked out the night of the concert– it almost gives it the feeling of “it was meant to be”.  Death Angel was so great in concert that I had to buy their new album – The Evil Divide.  The first song on there is called “The Moth.”  Probably the most inspiring song (to me) on there is called “Breakaway.”

black-witch-moth

Tuesday, October 11, 2016.  I took the trash out and was walking under the car port where I park my car when I suddenly noticed this large, dark shadow on the on the ceiling of the overhang.  My first thought was that it was a bat!  I couldn’t imagine what else would have attached itself there, so large and dark.  So I go in to get a flashlight.  When I come back out and shine the flashlight on it, I see that it is a huge black moth.  It was so big it was scary!  Its wings were slightly tattered in places and it was just so strange to see it.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a moth that big.  I googled it and found out it was a “black witch moth”.  Definitely not something you see every day.

Does anything I just wrote mean anything?  I’m not sure, but I do know that music has played different roles in different times of my life.  Sometimes it inspires me to make a change, many times it uplifts me, and often it helps me get through frustrations in life.  I listen to lyrics and see signs in things and it makes me wonder, and perhaps that wonder is what we are meant for.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Gabe

Through a rift in the atmosphere, found with a purpose

still so enthralled, the angel crawls

to the edge of the night

and looks down.

Hell is as much a metaphor in heaven as it is on Earth:

“Close enough,” he decides, as he surveys what he’s found.

 

Earthly delights is what he’s after –

smoking and drinking; music and laughter.

He thinks of himself as a rogue player, wandering adventurer

heartbreaking slayer.

 

The ladies adore him, his rugged handsomeness

irresistible charm

his smooth caress.

With his wings folded tight, he blends right in

among the cacophony of celebration

the nightlife and parties, the sin.

 

You see, he grows bored with heaven

all its pureness, so tame.

He craves the soiled imperfections

the struggle and the game.

Which is why he often finds himself in a lovely stranger’s bed

enjoying earthly pleasures; letting his passions be fed.

 

Sometimes his wings are discovered – with shocked delight and glee!

But until the morning light they are difficult to see.

Which is why before the dawn returns

he must make his exit swift.

His lover sleepily calling, “Gabe…..”

as his wings give him lift.

Devil Kisses

devil

Born of the devil’s kiss, an aching in her soul

her skin not clear but exquisitely marked

For the devil liked her very much – did he

Showering her, blanketing her from head to toe with hot, desiring kisses

The kiss of life, the kiss of death

Leaving small, charcoal evidences behind wherever he touched

like tiny bruises that went deeper than they appeared

for they looked like shallow things, only they were much more profound

sinking down to her very being

And when as a child she wondered very much on the origin of the symbols

and the implications

well then her grandmother told her, “Those are devil kisses – he must like you very much!”

So she lay in her bed at night, just a little sweaty and fearful; imagining:

would the devil himself show up; and did he love her?

Later, through times of strife, she wished he would show up

to explain a few things

Then again, maybe he did.

In the form of a cruel lover; revealing to her things like deceit, jealousy and revenge!

Ah, but those are merely earthly things, she thinks…

since she knows the devil must have more important occupations to fill his time.

And every now and then she can feel the scorching from deep within,

the mark – an indicator and sign

of something so much more

and be it evil or benign

it is there all the same

as she looks out upon the world with a burning gaze:

Beauty without; the devil within.