My Metal Heart

My heart aches for what once was

though I wouldn’t change a thing about today

the longing is still there, a remnant of days gone by

and I can’t help but wonder…

There was a time of freedom and not much responsibility

when all that mattered was the music

we lived and breathed the music ~ it was a lifestyle

There was the excitement of youth

when each day was brand new and anything could happen

The spontaneity and hope; starry eyes and puppy love, and what we thought was real love

Days were something to endure while we waited for the night to come

That’s when the magick happened:  our hearts free to explore; an open book 

waiting to be written;

attractions so magnetic – highly charged and bittersweet

because somehow, we knew this couldn’t last

Life happens.  

Like going to sleep and waking up in a different world

What we call maturity is somehow a gain and a loss all at once;

you can get disoriented along the way

Society telling us we should look like this, live like that, own this, pray for that

Frustration mounts, comes to a head

and we suddenly know what we must do

what matters

A plan forms in the very depths of our hearts

because there are still those among us who have stayed true to theirs

an inspiration greater than all

waiting in the wings to be wholly and completely embraced once again

by the metal hearts who have decided ~ it’s high time.

If you are living a lie, then you are wasting time because you are merely a shell

of what you should truly be

Because what really matters is what is in your heart

and to that you must stay true

 

“That is when greatness will happen”

Ragnar: I’m not going to stand here all day watching you try to be normal when you never will be.
Ivar: I am normal!
Ragnar: No, you’re not. Once you realize that, that is when greatness will happen.

For those not familiar with the television series – Ivar, son of legendary Viking Ragnar Lothbrok, struggles to keep up with their band of warriors – despite being crippled since childbirth.  Ivar eventually goes on to become an extremely powerful and famous warrior.  In this scene, Ragnar becomes frustrated with Ivar’s attempts to be “normal”, telling him, “No, you’re not (normal).  Once you realize that, that is when greatness will happen.”

Powerful.  That was my thought as I let those words sink in.  And while they could mean different things to different people, to me they took on a highly personal significance.  Don’t get me wrong; I am extremely blessed with excellent health and no physical detriments whatsoever.  Still, I have struggled throughout my life with finding a niche, fitting in, finding acceptance, approval, etc.  I’ve often felt “uncomfortable in my own skin”, out of place, and have found it difficult to connect with people.  I’ve been unhappy in my employment and in relationships.  While I can get along with most anyone, I’ve had few friends.  I feel like I’ve constantly teetered on the brink of doing what I thought was expected of me versus doing what I really wanted.  I’ve been shunned by my own family for silly things, left out, been the “black sheep”.  And I’ve been badly hurt by people who I should have never let into my life.

Throughout, I’ve always maintained a positive attitude – there’s so much in my life to be thankful for, and some of these more personal things seem petty in the big picture.  Still…. I am often dissatisfied and find it an effort to determine what I truly want out of life.  And I wonder about some of the things that have happened to me.  Fortunately, age has a way of helping us figure out what really matters.  With the passing years, we care less about what people think of us.  Maybe that’s why Ragnar’s words had the impact on me that they did.  I think of them again, “Once you realize that, that is when greatness will happen.”  He’s telling Ivar to realize and accept that he is NOT normal – to even embrace that fact!

That is what I want to do!  I want to embrace my uniqueness, my differences from others, all those things that have made me not “fit in” with the people I thought I should.  I want to stop trying to be something I’m not so that I can become who I am!  I feel that once I let myself be ME – the person I truly am – perhaps that is when I will find that particular niche that needs ME to fill it.  I think what this is all about is staying true to yourself and embracing the person you really are.  That is when you will attract the right people for you, and will go to the places where you should be – that is when greatness will happen!